Can’t sleep. So, I decided to write. I’m hoping it will help clear my head. There are two things in particular that are weighing pretty heavily right now. I guess I’ll go ahead and address them both indirectly.
- Words can’t express how deeply sorry I am for not being there when you needed me the most. Even if my efforts wouldn’t have made a difference, I should have taken that opportunity to say goodbye. You’re in peace now, resting. And because of my belief, I know you made it to heaven. It must be absolutely beautiful. I’m praying that I can forgive myself. I really am. But just know that I love you and that your spirit will always live on. Oh, and one more thing. Say hello to your son for me; my father. Let him know that I often think about what could have been. But most importantly, that he shows up in the picture my mind creates. Every single time.
- #3 … where do I even start? Excuse me for being blunt but you, my dear, are my heart. I don’t know any other way to put it. And with every beating heart comes a reason behind it’s function. you’re mine. I have so many dreams wrapped up in you. You’re the only one who has the ability to make my heart race at any given time. That’s how I know you’re the one. You broke right through those walls I’ve tried so desperately to build. And I thank God you did every day, because I’m a better person for it; for having you in my life. For knowing you. You’re my angel, my boyfriend, but most importantly… my best friend. And even though it seems like we’ve been together for a little while now, I just want you to know that August 5th, you made me the happiest I’ve ever been just by asking me to be with you. You brought out that inner happiness I’ve tried so hard to find with one simple question. That’s what I adore the most; your ability to make the little things… the big things. And you do a wonderful job at doing so. I know I have my days where it seems like I doubt a lot of things, but please, don’t ever doubt my feelings for you in the midst of that being true. Because to tell you the truth, I love you with every fiber of my being. You mean absolutely everything to me. In your arms is where I feel the safest; call me cliche, but it’s the only place I feel I belong as well. And, yes, I need you babe. I do. I’ve told you once and I’ll tell you again, you have a beautiful soul; one that I wouldn’t know how to let go of even if I had to. So, as this tear rolls down my cheek, I’m praying that I won’t. Because Lord knows I want this forever; every day of forever. Me and you, just us two. Remember? 3 & 4 always
