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I don’t know whats more unnacceptable; the fact that I find myself wanting to be alone these days more often than usual or how one of my biggest fears in life is that I actually will be. With the exception of a few, I rather not speak at all. Everything that dwells in a dawn to dark day says enough to the point where I prefer to stay to myself and just observe. I feel like there’s something wrong with that though. Almost like that characteristic about me in itself shows nothing more than how flawed I really am as a person. But I can’t say I know why I worry about it so much considering I never pretended to paint a perfect picture with myself included somewhere on the canvas to begin with. Most days, everything is just fine. Others, not so much; even if I don’t make it visible through my words or actions. I’ve always said I am my own worst enemy, and I don’t know if that’s something I’ll ever be able to comprehend due to it being known that when it’s all said and done, you tend to have to be your own bestfriend as well. So, how does that work? But most of all, where does that leave me? In a sense, I know that if I really needed someone to be there, they would. I can think of about a handful that would do so. But as you know, a hand has 5 fingers attatched to it. And each and every one of those fingers represents a person in my life whom of which I know for a fact would drop anything and everything just to make sure I was or am alright at any given time. Funny thing is, not one of those people happen to be a member of what my Mother likes to call our “family.” And that right there absolutely kills me inside.